Dating an ambivalent man single suchen kostenlos Braunschweig
Much of our hurt happens in relationship and that’s where the healing is too – apparently.I’m also hoping this new awareness of my internalised ambivalence will make it easier to make decisions in other areas of my life.In one way, then, I was quite heartened when my therapist suggested recently that my ambivalence could be yet another form of addiction. Something I’m hooked into and powerless over (powerless in the sense that fighting it won’t work.I need to accept it, surrender to it and thereby diffuse its power over me, just like with the overeating).I signed up to a pop choir but missed a few rehearsals, didn’t learn my lines properly and almost bailed out of one of the end-of-term concerts (it was hot, I was tired etc).In the end, I sang in both performances, seemed to know my lines OK and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.
But, as I discovered with the choir, it takes commitment to get real enjoyment out of things, to feel part of things and to get close to people. But it also feels like something those mature, grown-up people do. As those long-suffering friends have often remarked, “I’m exhausted just listening to you”.My ambivalence has caused me distress and has wasted a lot of time.The more you use it the stronger it gets, but if you don’t exercise it, it goes weak. I guess my absence from this site and my decision not to post previous drafts has something to do with the fact the person I’m dating has been a long-standing follower of this blog and therefore I imagine he’s reading. And then, once I’ve made a decision, they’ve also been subjected to my second-guessing – Spain would have been warmer and cheaper. Ambivalence is defined as ‘a continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite)’ or ‘uncertainty as to which approach to follow’.I feel like I’ve come over all self-conscious, all cautious about sharing my feelings. I’ve actually drafted two posts in the past five weeks but didn’t publish either of them. And my perfectionism and procrastination – and perhaps my ambivalence (more about that later too) – got the better of me with the second. So I now have a bit of a balancing act to perform – to write my truth as I’ve been doing for the past two years, but not to use this space to try to manipulate him in any way through what I share here or to say things that I’m too afraid to speak out. So, the fact I’m dating someone, attempting a relationship, is pretty big news. But it’s also ‘simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (such as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action’.